Fragile Friendships
Madeleine’s Musings Volume II
Okay, completely changing tones from last post. I want this newsletter to be filled with so many different things: what I’m doing, what I’m wearing, etc. But I also want it to be a place for me to write about what I’m thinking about & what I’m feeling or processing. Last post was sappy, grateful, & feel good fuzzy. For a good reason! My friends are amazing! But today I want to talk about something that I have been ruminating on for quite some time:
fragile friendships & friendship breakups.
This is something I could talk about for a hot minute. Mostly because I am so fascinated by human relationships but also because pretty much every person you know has experienced a friendship breakup. Whether it was sudden or a big, dramatic explosion: we all have faced some form of conflict in our friendships. I have been on both sides, having done wrong & been left wondering "what the hell is wrong with them?” Sometimes I could pinpoint exactly what the issue was but others I felt like I was completely in the dark. What is frustrating is that you can trust a person completely, love them deeply, & never speak to them again. That’s something I have had a lot of trouble unpacking. Here’s this person that I really thought was going to be my friend forever & now I feel this icky guilt or resentment about that.
Friendships are tricky. The good ones stick.
The truth is you cannot control what happens. The best you can do is do good by your friends. You cannot control if someone wrongs you. But you will always regret not being there & giving your all in your friendships when you have the chance. Sometimes a friendship will be fragile & just fizzle out. That’s okay! It’s okay to grow apart from someone & know that they were a friend to a different version of you. Maybe that version of you really needed that friendship. It’s okay to not need it anymore if it’s not serving you. I don’t mean that in a “cut people out who don’t directly benefit you” kind of way; I mean that in a “sometimes your vision & another person’s vision just don’t align anymore” (ew, that sounded corporate but you get what I mean). Those friendship can be quite fragile & even hard to determine when that time is. It can leave you asking “Is It Over Now?” like a protagonist in a Taylor Swift song. Usually, if you have to ask yourself that question again & again, you already know the answer.
It’s natural to grow apart from some & to grow with others.
When it comes to friendships that last, at least in my book: you need flexibility. Ebb & flow as you two sometimes are closer or sometimes are doing your own thing. Proximity is not the measure of a good friendship, neither is the amount of time spent together. The friendships that I hold dear are ones in which we grant each other grace, push one another, grow together, & share moments that become beautiful memories.
You also don’t have to be best friends with everyone. (Wow, that was a hard lesson for me to learn!) Not everyone is worthy of hearing your business & not everyone has the best intentions with it. Hold those you trust closely & know that not every friendship is the same. Some friendships are based online or via snail mail (Hi, Macy!) & some are acquaintances you make in class, yoga, or at your favorite coffee shop. Not everyone is going to be your best friend but that doesn’t make those friendships any less worthy.
I guess what all of this is getting at is that friendship is something we’re always learning from & working at. I try every day to be a better listener & let my friends teach me something new.
So hug your bestie today if they’re nearby. Or give them a FaceTime call. Send them a Venmo telling them coffee is on you today. Send them that Instagram reel or that stupid TikTok you’ve been laughing at. Never miss an opportunity to tell them how much you appreciate them & what they mean to you. I know I will be doing all of the above.
Until next time! Love ya, mean it!
xo, Madeleine